One of the most challenging things in any relationship is arguments. We always find ourselves in anger or frustration when we try to sort out differences and disagreements.
“Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be the most destructive element”- John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venues)
I popularly have known to be argumentative among my loved ones; husband, mother and the few good friends. I generally argue about anything and everything because I am full of my own opinions. When a subject matter is brought to my attention, my mind processes it and draws up conclusions within a few minutes. Just like that. And, to me, my supposedly well-thought through opinions are correct. It is my delusion that I cannot be wrong.
Hence, when someone gives an opposing view, my instant reaction is to argue. It may appear as if I aim to prove them wrong, but that is not my intent. What I actually am doing is denying the possibility that my ‘absolute accurate’ opinions need to be reviewed. So, in order to make my stand very clear my ego churns out arguments. And, I must say, my brain does an excellent job in helping the ego.
My brain caught up in constructing arguments forgets a very important advice that is mostly ignored.
“It’s not about ‘Who is Right?’ it is about ‘What is Right?’”
As I reflect on some of the very heated arguments that I have had recently, I realized something. My counterpart and I are mostly arguing about who is right. That does not sound very wise huh? There really is no logic in trying to determining which the correct opinion is? That will hardly get us anywhere. The rational approach would be to put aside the difference in thoughts and look into what would be the best conclusion for the subject matter at hand.
Well of course, it would take the co-operation of both parties to achieve that sort of thing. I guess when a friendly conversation gets heated with spices of frustration, it would help to take a few moments of break. Think about the basis of the conversation – it helps to ask these questions.
What are you discussing about?
Why are you discussing it?
What is the necessity of this discussion?
What really is your opinion (trust me, most of the time we have no clue about our own views)?
What is the other person saying (you know, sometimes the other person could be saying the very same thing!)?
And, when you are done answering these you will be somewhat close to the big question “What is Right?”
3 comments:
k also add on "have we done enuf homework on this topic .. to actually argue abt" :)
haha. true. many time we just arguing with no substance.
I can totally relate to this one. I felt as though I was reading about myself. Lol.
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